Week 12 - Cultural Blog

So that’s it... my time in Uganda is over! Even though I’ve already left the country and am sitting in Nairobi, it hasn’t fully sunk in yet that I’ve left. Needless to say I cried like a baby every time I had to say goodbye to someone I have got to know and love, ensuring that all my leaving photos have red puffy eyes...beaut. My last week was absolutely incredible, and definitely some unforgettable memories; graduation parties, dancing in the rain (hello ‘Step Up 2’!), the Nana Beach Party, Louie’s two day birthday extravaganza, going to the Equator, a Ugandan Easter Sunday, an Easter party with the streetkids, our leaving party and a final trip to Jinja, as well as souvenir shopping, final lectures and a few riots thrown in for good measure. I cannot even begin to describe how much it saddens me to leave; my time here has FLOWN by and Kampala has begun to feel like another home. I’m genuinely already working out how soon I can come back here – a far cry from my first night when I burst into tears and thought there was no way I could survive in Uganda for three months!  A lot of people have asked me why I have come to love it so much. It’s a combination of the Ugandan students I have met and got close to, the other international citizens and travellers, the chaos and bustle of the city, the Tomorrow’s Heroes streetkids programme, the beautiful countryside and the even more beautiful weather. I have to be honest, Northern Ireland has never seemed less appealing than it does right now (family and friends aside)! Now we’re off to see more of East Africa and work on these suntans... Nairobi, Mombasa, Arusha, Dar es Salaam and finally Zanzibar to meet Amy Todd and Jess Fry! See you very soon J love Suzi xo

Having become close friends with several Ugandan girls, conversation eventually turned to boys one day (as girls’ conversation often does!). It was really interesting to hear about the Ugandan attitudes to dating and marriage, and I was amazed at the vast differences compared to Northern Ireland. One of the most shocking differences is that men are often encouraged to have more than one wife; in fact a man might have several wives in different households, and one of my friends has a total of 84 brothers and sisters! Although some families embrace this idea, others become embittered in jealousy and rivalry between wives and different children. 

Another huge difference to Northern Ireland is that arranged marriages are much more common in Uganda, particularly in rural areas. One friend was telling me of her grandfather who recently married a sixteen-year old girl - one can just imagine the uproar if such a marriage were to take place in Northern Ireland! In comparison, it is considered perfectly acceptable here; the husband will be able to provide for the girl financially, and when he dies she will receive an inheritance including land to live on. As the parents are confident their daughter will be provided for, such a marriage would be considered extremely beneficial for their family. 

Engagements and weddings in Uganda are very traditional, and several weeks ago Rachel and I were invited to attend an engagement party by some of our friends. Engagement parties are also called ‘introductions’, as the groom is formally introduced to the bride’s family and pays the dowry or ‘bride-price’. It is a huge occasion and is often as lavish as the wedding itself. Guests will normally wear traditional dress, with females in a gomesi and males in a kanzu, and the celebrations will last for several hours. A close friend or relative hosts the ceremony and introduces various relations of the bride and groom, including sisters, brothers, aunts, cousins, and the wedding party. These relatives or friends will dance out of the house to the party and will be interviewed by the host, before being presented with gifts from the groom. Finally the bride enters, and is presented to her groom. It is at this point the groom bestows gifts upon the girl’s family as a bride-price. I could not believe the amount of presents which appeared; dozens of baskets of fruit, soda, cooking oil, suitcases, a bookcase, charcoal, maps, pieces of art, chickens and even a cow. Boys at home should definitely appreciate how easy they have it compared to their Ugandan counterparts!

Women are traditionally viewed as subservient to men and wives are expected to completely submit to their husbands, even kneeling to greet them. As my Ugandan friends have been raised in a city with modern values, most of them hold the view that men and women are equal, just as I have been brought up in the West. However, they still have aunts who tell them they are ‘spoilt’ for believing this and need to be humbled. An example of a traditional belief is that if a husband beats his wife for any reason (a common occurrence in many homes) the wife should apologise and accept the beating quietly. If she needs to cry, she should go upstairs and hide under the bed, so not to disturb her husband. We were even told of a friend’s classmate who was literally ironed by her husband after she received a phonecall from a male friend. Many Ugandan women cannot escape from abusive or unfaithful marriages as their family cannot afford to repay the dowry and so they are forced to continue living in this way. The sad thing is that some of our Ugandan friends simply view this as normal, and accept that it is unlikely to find a husband who will respect them or remain faithful. Hearing this has made me consider how far women have come in Northern Ireland and the West in general; at home I take it for granted that women are treated equally to men, and women would be emphatically encouraged to leave a partner who was abusive or repeatedly cheating. I have to wonder if part of the reason for this could be the concept of a dowry; perhaps because a man has paid for his wife, he feels that she is his belonging and so he can treat her in whatever way he decides.  In contrast, women in Northern Ireland are normally much less dependent on males and would rarely accept being treated as a possession. 

Of course, these traditional attitudes are not held by all Ugandans and by no means are all Ugandan men abusive or disrespectful to women. Rachel and I have been so fortunate in the local friends that we made, both male and female, who hold similar views about this subject as we do and have been so open, welcoming and respectful towards us during our semester in Kampala.